“In the end it will be alright. If its not alright, then its not the end.”

6 Jan

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My introduction to 2013 was eventful to put it lightly.

I had mentioned in my previous blog that I was planning on ringing in the New Year surrounded by friends.  That remained true.  I did not believe that all energy would be spent looking for my dear friends beloved dog, Gemma, whose leash broke while she was being walked through downtown San Diego.  After many tears, a few laughs, and a lot of incredibly strong tape I am overjoyed to tell you (if you didn’t know already) that Gemma is now safe and  home with her Mom & Dad.  I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that our bond as friends is stronger from our experience on NYE 2013 than it ever would have been if we had just enjoyed our super adult dinner party as planned.  When I woke up this morning I was talking with Mike, my boyfriend, about what the highlight of his week was.  He answered without hesitation, “Finding Gemma”.  Everyone loves a happy ending.

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Writing in my journal every night has been easier than I thought.  Perhaps because my first week was busy busy busy.  I am in the midst of doing a cleanse right now.  The cleanse I am doing isn’t for my waist line though, its for my heart.  I struggled with a lot of anxiety last year.  It weighed me down considerably.  This week I have taken the time to address relationships that have been hindering my ability to feel happy.  We learn at a young age that honesty is always the best policy.  Somewhere along the way we learn to avoid conflict at all costs though.  I tend to bottle things up instead of speaking my mind.  It leads me to over analyzing my life and feeling intense stress.  I get a tightness in my heart when I’m feeling my worst or what I like to describe as an elephant sitting on my chest.  When its at its worst I won’t leave my house for days.  This last week I’ve put myself out there more than I ever have in my life with many of my friends.  In the future, I’m hoping that this new honesty first policy will keep the elephants at bay.

I started reading a book called, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz.  I am finding this read incredibly enlightening.  He talks about how we punish ourselves over and over again for the same injustices because of our powerful memories that won’t allow us to forget.  He also focuses on how gossiping is poison in our lives.  As I work towards peace in my heart I’m hoping learning to genuinely forgive and ceasing to gossip will create a calm where there have been stormy waters.

My New Years Resolution for 2013 is to have a peaceful life.  Its simple.  But I love it.

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I’m really looking forward to this coming week.  My good friend, Ro, is flying in from DC on Monday.  It will be so fabulous to catch up with her.  I’ve missed her no nonsense personality and quirky sense of humor.  I’m heading to the Bay Area for the weekend to spend time with my amazingly fun family.  I will be attending not one but two baby showers in celebration of my baby nephew, Valentino Vontego Vogelsanger!  Its going to be a great week!

P.S. I would like to say thank you to my friend and coworker, Gurpreet.  She pointed out that I was filling out my journal incorrectly when I posted a picture of it on Facebook.  I’m so happy I posted a picture on day 2, not day 365.  Mike and I had a good laugh about it.  He told me his favorite response when I do something super dumb which is, “At least you’re pretty”.

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One Response to ““In the end it will be alright. If its not alright, then its not the end.””

  1. Lindsay @ Dapp Tales January 20, 2013 at 1:07 pm #

    We may be on the same journey in 2013. I identify deeply with the way you described your anxiety. Here’s to a peaceful and fulfilling year!

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