A Bug in a Walnut

21 Jan

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My Happiness Project has been busy these last two weeks.  My journal is humming along.  As I had mentioned before, my new year’s resolution is to live a peaceful life.  This does not mean that the life before me will be an easy one.  It simply means, when in the eye of a storm, I want to remain calm and mindful.  That is not always easy for me.  As a matter of fact, that is incredibly hard for me.  The last two weeks were chaotic but amazing.  My beautiful nephew, Peyton, decided to come into this world a month early.  That was stressful but worth every moment.  It’s crazy how the world seems so different now that his sweet little face is in it.

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As you can imagine, most of my journal these last two weeks has highlighted the wonder that is Peyton Ryan.  I can’t even describe how touching it has been to watch my big brother turn into a loving father.  My brother’s amazing girlfriend, Savann, and I have become very close over the years.  I believe they will be the most fantastic parents because Savann is constantly in a state of zen.  My brother has more of a fiery, passionate personality.  That combination will hopefully lead to Peyton being a well rounded individual.

Peyton’s arrival brought to the surface a lot of anxiety that swirls in my heart in regards to my parents divorce.  My parents divorced when I was two years old.  I have zero recollection of them ever being together.  To be honest, they are both so different that I can’t even imagine them as a couple.  My Mom and my Dad both remarried and brought the most loving, supportive Step Parents into my life.  I have two awesome Step Brothers that made every other weekend of my childhood tons of fun.  I feel so blessed to have four parents that love me more than life itself.

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I am a worrier though.  My parents are not friends. They do not communicate at all.  They have never really had a reason to be in the same room.  Peyton is going to force that to happen if the whole family wants to be present at his important life events.  When I think about Peyton’s first birthday, I immediately think how are my parents going to be able to be in the same room without it being tension filled and awkward.  When I think about my brother or myself getting married, the exact same thought trickles in.  I am hopeful that it will work itself out and we can come to a happy place where their divorce is not such a defining part our family dynamic.

I feel like Peyton’s birth brought my brother and I closer which makes me really happy.  Growing up, we fought all the time.  I joke that he was plotting my demise most of my childhood.  He even ran me over with a big wheel once.  When he turned sixteen and got his driver license our relationship took a turn towards fun.  Instead of telling on him all the time, I was on his side.  He just seemed really cool to me all of the sudden.  It didn’t hurt that his friends were all really fun too.  It was also a major bonus that he could now drive me and my posse to the movies and the mall.

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When Paul moved out of my childhood home to start life in the big world I was super sad.  When he left he gave me something that of his that I had always wanted.  My Aunt Gail had given it to him for Christmas when we were kids.  It was called, A Bug in a Walnut.  It’s really kind of silly.  It’s just a lady bug with magnets in the legs.  The legs shake when you open it.  I always begged him to let me have it.  He always responded with a resounding “no”.  He handed it to me as he looked around his empty room, right before he left.  It sits on my night stand right next to my bed to this day.  To me it symbolizes the history and friendship that you can only share with a sibling.  I am so lucky to call Paul my Big Brother.

Before I jetted off to San Jose, I had the best visit with my dear friend Ro.  She is pregnant with her first child.  She is expecting a boy and she wears pregnancy well.  She has gained weight no where other than the basketball in her belly.  Someday when I start a family, I know I will look like the Michelin Man.  Ro used to live in San Diego.  Her hubs had a job opportunity that popped up in DC so off they went.  It was so fun to catch up with her and visit.  Ro gives the best advice.  She gives it to you straight with no apologies and I love her for it.  I miss having her as a regular cast member in the movie that is my life.  She will be back in San Diego in December of 2013 for good.  I can’t wait for her return and more importantly to meet her son.  We constantly joke that he will be the next president of the United States of America because her & her hubs are overachieving all-stars at everything they do.

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My best friend from college, Maggie, and I had a rough patch in our friendship 2012.  We had some issues surface and instead of being honest I chose to say everything was “fine” and be distant.  I’m happy to say that after a long heart to heart over the phone all grievances have been aired and we are much better friends for it.  Its funny how just being honest with each other changed everything.  I told her about my Happiness Project and she loved it.  She felt inspired to turn over a new leaf herself.  Maggie created 365daysofinspiration on Instagram.  I recommend everyone start following her immediately.  Maggie posts inspiring quotes that instantly brighten your day.  The pics below will give you a taste of the heart warming wisdom you will get a daily dose of…

This week is going to be all about health for me.  I’m running another half marathon on Sunday, January 27th.  I have barely trained.  This is going to be interesting.  Running has always been a mental game with me.  Wish me luck!

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For a daily dose of happy follow


On instagram

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